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loneliness and frustration near midlife

When I was young, I met a girl that I fell in love with.

Three years later, we were married.  I thought it would last.   It didn’t.

After nine and a half years of marriage, we split up.  This was in July 2011.  I’m now 36–I have no kids, either–and have not been able to find a woman since.  Why?  Good question; I think part of it stems from my social phobia.  I’ve always been really nervous and stiff meeting new people or new groups, so often times I shy away from such opportunities, although not always.  Other reasons?  Well, possibly bitterness (I struggle with that sometimes) and the fact (in my mind) that I’m just not that marketable to other women.  I had some employment last summer, but now I’m between jobs and attempting to run a pet sitting business.


I’m not real good at this blogging stuff.  Maybe I’ll develop some mad blog skills someday!


But back to the subject of finding another woman:  I have recently typed up a wish list–a wish list for a mate.  I was inspired by a Christian site I found just a few days ago where a woman made a list of desirable qualities she wanted in a mate.  She then offered the list to God and, to make the story short, she eventually received the man she was pining for.

I’ve done the same thing; I hope it works.   The list I have made isn’t terribly long, partly because I didn’t want to make the process of finding a woman longer by making a longer wish list!    If anyone is interested in the contents of what I wrote, I would be happy to share it.  I don’t think God would mind.

But I realize I have to work on myself, or pray for more help for myself.   There are certain qualities I want to develop, to grow.  Someone recently typed something about becoming the ideal person you envision that you want to be in order for a woman to feel like she would want to share her life with you.   I got a lot of work to do on that!